Today is Friday. YOU MUST NOT GO OUTSIDE!
- To commemorate the recent birth of the prime minister’s child, the government has requested that all citizens remain indoors for the next few weeks.
- Today, why not try to build a pyramid in your living room using white goods and household appliances.
- Is there anything more quintessentially British than the gentle ripple of applause wafting over a lush green cricket field, the sound of leather on willow and the fragrant smell of Pimms without the cucumber beneath a blue, cloudless sky? At 8:00pm this evening, try to recreate this scene at your front door as you applaud the work of abattoir workers.
“What will I do today?” you may ask yourself. Deep down you already know the answer. “Same as yesterday,” whispers a quiet, gnawing voice.
You must not go outside! 